Single anyone?

Still no internet! But here is what I could quickly type/copy/paste. Hopefully tomorrow we can get to the meat of things! Love ya'll and thanks for your tremendous patience.

xoxo

I’m just about my only single friend left. It seems relationships are perpetually around me. Usually my energy would be completely negative right now but I’m so fuckin happy. Not that fake I’m happy, where you smile around your friends and cry yourself to sleep at night. Nope. This positive energy is genuine. It is born because I have finally accepted my being single. I have given my happiness priority over my pain. I have too much going on to think about being single. WOW. THAT is a first. The more I find myself drifting from concern over my relationship status, the more I drift from caring about the people who avoided a relationship. I have never had a committed, long-term relationship as an adult. Had a boyfriend when I was 16 who cheated on me the entire time. And one in college I used to make the guy I wanted to be with jealous. It was long distance. It was superficial. I wasn’t committed. And now, years later, I have found comfort in my virginity. I don’t know what it means to be with someone for a year, or to have sex with the same person consistently for more than 3 months at a time.

But what I do know, is that, I have monk like qualities when it comes to sex. My body can sustain itself for months at a time. I never need to FIND someone to have sex with. I can have sex with myself. I do so very freely, and am very open about that. If you’re with a woman who doesn’t have sex with herself, you’re not with a woman.

Beyond the sex, I’m unaffected by the infatuation that clouds judgment in new relationships. I know the butterflies well. I know the rerecording of voicemails to make sure you don’t sound too excited. I know the 200 hits to their facebook a day. The memorizing pictures. When everything they say is the most adorable and hilarious thing you’ve heard. When you drift off in thought about them. Try to remember every story. Try to informally record all mildly significant moments in your lives together. And I know how much of that fades three months later. And if somewhere between the fantasy you were able to capture the true essence of that person; measure their ability to make you smile, to cheer you up and on, and to generally be present in your life in mind and spirit- then, maybe you got something.

I have good practice with the reality. Not so much with the remainder. But I’m here. And single. And happy. Content that what I have to offer is more than a lot of men can recognize. Thankfully, I’ve been single long enough to know that I can wait a little longer, stay a little lonlier And further, relishing in the fact that I’m a relationship virgin. And we all know how much men love virgins ;)