capiche.

one of my latest and most favorite pieces. sometimes you write shit and you make yourself pause cause penning it was an out of body experience. well that's what happened here. hard to look at yourself so openly and honestly. hope you enjoy.

He doesn't understand.

He's a smart man, but-
he doesn't understand

doesn't understand, can't comprehend

Why I want him to be my man.

How do I convince him that he can?

That he's capable, more than able-

to satisfy what I desire.

He's a man with vision

but can't see the scars across my chest,

where a rapist grabbed my breasts

where I let men rest

who could care less
 about. me.

he's a brilliant man, but he can't understand

how ignoring my calls

makes me feel small

like less than,

not equal to,

not me and you-

he's a diligent man,

but he never researched me

never looked me up beyond the maybelline

I may be lean, but my heart. is. heavy.

I am the definition of forgotten

he remembers my bed, remembers my head

but it slips his mind to see if I'm okay

He doesn't see how taking me out once a week

makes me feel disposable

late nights he recycles me

uses me over and over to reach his peak

and gets so high

he can't see the mountain on his shoulders breaking me

his friends know everything about him
--but they don't know me

which leads me to believe

that he doesn't think I am about him.

around him can't surround him.

with anything. but. my. body.

and he's an intelligent man

but he can't read my biography

he doesn't know I have a history

of dealing with men who only appreciate me

after. 3 am.

I have a father and I am ashamed

to tell him that his daughter

has let a man depress her- 
neglect her- 
forget. her.

not remember to respect her.

i am just a useful tool.

a screwdriver.

your screw drives her-- to make better mistakes.

He's a smart man

but he refuses to see

how his behavior reflects SHE--
his daughter,

the girl who calls him father.

he's a wise man

but too shallow to see

how deep his behavior reaches.

one day a man will leave her beaten. cheated.

treated like meat and-

he'll disconnect the pieces

of our broken hearts

he won't see it. won't see him.

himself in the selfish bastard

who broke his baby's heart.

you know where it ends,

but I know where it starts

my dad broke my heart years before it beat

and her dad would break mine before she'd ever speak.

and she's a smart girl but,

when it comes to he- she doesn't think

doesn't weep, doesn't see...
how she repeats

like a scratched cd
before giving up and skipping to the next song...
And how many tracks will I leave behind
Before someone worthy finds me
And stops. Pressing. Play.
Ejects the mistakes my father made
Fasts forward to what will be his daughter’s pain
If only those visits to the gym
Made you strong enough to eradicate
The behaviors that made you this way.
And after all this time I don’t see results,
Don’t have a membership,
I just remember shit
Like the many times and the many things
You put before getting to know me
Not the bottom half,
But the whole me,
How Everclear reality is now,
It still stings going down
And it’s a hard pill to swallow,
But I’m a tough act to follow
And I almost dare you to find
A woman whose heart is as big as mine
Who is as willing to take the time
To deal with your emotional unavailability
You think I want to be before anything
I just don’t want to be after everything
Why can’t we just be... together
My mama used to say
If you’re too ashamed to introduce him to me
He’s not fit to be a part of your life
And I wish she wasn’t right
But when she asks about you, I lie,
I try, to deny that just like her I lie
Night after night in denial
Telling myself in time
Daddy will come home
And just like me
She wonders why
Every man in her life seems to be a failure,
To fail her,
To nail her to a cross roads
Somewhere in between love and giving up
Between giving her all and not giving a fuck
And I’m my father’s daughter
So if there is one thing I can understand,
I can understand, I do comprehend
That if he can’t hear me scream,
Then maybe it’s time to whisper
To ordain that the pain that encompasses me
Will miss her
My daughter
Who WILL have a loving father whose past won’t come back to haunt her
Who WILL be nothing like her mother,
Who WILL be far stronger
I won’t worry about her...
She will be ok.......
I know cause my mother ordained the same.