who do you want to receive your love?

I got asked an interesting question. What do I want in a guy? not just a guy... the guy. Or some variation of that. And to be honest, I have a habit of picking victims who lack emotional maturity... they are never in a place that they are ready to love me. Not until I let them go. I'm tired of that. I know I do not want that.

But what do I want? After so much pain and so many failed relationships... the most recent being like ummm yesterday just about... I think I only know what I don't. First and foremost I don't want to live in fear. And I say that because right now i shudder at the thought of doing this all over again. i did before him, i cried on his shoulder and told him how scared i was of going through exactly what i'm going through now. if you tell a robber, please don't steal from me... i've been robbed 3 times this year... he's still going to want your diamond necklace. and at the end of the day, there's little i can do about it.

but i digress. what I want in a partner is chemistry, honesty, and respect. i want him to have a job that pays well, can have long hours but also has short ones. I love children, would never eliminate a man with them... but I don't want him to have kids. i want us to dream together. about the birth of our first child. i want him to love me. really love me. love every part of me. and understand me. i want him to be intelligent...but not so much that he can't enjoy the banal.

i want him to say sweet things... but not rehearsed or forced... just a genuine interest in me. i'd like him to be open with me and be able to maintain mystery. i want him to think about others... be concerned with a cause enough to actively work toward correcting it. Not necessarily as a career, but financially or through service.

i want him to respect women... treasure them. and I want him to have a past that he has learned from and a future he's excited about. i want him to be spiritual, maybe even religious... understanding that I'm not, and convicted enough that he believes i will. i'd like us to pray together. to surround ourselves with friends and family. for once to clearly define the boundaries of a relationship and do so without hesitation.

I want him to be tall, dark, handsome... charming, affectionate... and passionate. Passionate about life. He also better love my dog. Not necessarily all dogs... but mine. And mostly... for him to be proud to have me... and offer me security. No more excuses. No missed dates. Maybe some hand holding too... oh yea, no more long distance!