2/12/10

I've been in love twice. Got my first boyfriend about 2 months ago. ten months away from 24, five months away from a law degree. i been waiting on him my whole life. to be in love, and have it reciprocated. to hold someone that wants to be held. to be there for someone who needs me. i feel like my entire life i had wonderful friends, loving family, a stellar career and beauty. i worked so hard at being beautiful inside cause i wasn't always beautiful outside and i knew there was no value in that. and finally- finally... i found him. and to this moment i believe when we were born God and fate drew us together. our bodies match, our faces match, our signs match, our futures match... we. just. fit.

and now i've reached a point where i feel that the Gods listened... gave me what i needed so badly, what i prayed for everyday.... and took away everything else. like an addict i got my drug and in the process, lost so much i held so dear. literally watched my country destroyed. dead bodies on street corners. my family.... homeless. listening to my parents weep every. night. hearing reports of more and more bodies found under the remnants of our family homes.

friends i have shared for years... dropping off like flies. and you reach a moment when you say... this. is. not. my. fault. but no one says the rest.... it doesn't matter whose fault it is.... it just plain hurts. it was the sacrifice of abraham... and i rather give my friendship up than see it cut in half. and while all this shit falls down the only shit left standing was us. and to be honest, it called into question everything i've ever thought about happiness. as much as i love him... love is never enough. it's a foundation to be built upon not the whole house. but for every brick we lay down there is someone ripping it away... and sometimes... it's us.

i suppose having everything is impossible... but next time, i know to pray for balance... cause i was never good at playing both sides.